purplerabbits

Abject apologies to everyone I've pissed off today. I am now going away to have a drink and work out how best to regain whatever I can of my pathetic equilibrium and how not to completely go off on one while still being able to express things that genuinely upset me. I'm just hoping that this is a symptom of early PMT as it would get my period over before BiCon. I'll get my coat.

Well, I don't put much faith in the Burns Depression Checklist as a quantitative measure, but if it's gone up from 6 to 16 in the last two weeks that's bad, isn't it? Damn. I can see where a lot of it's coming from, but I still don't quite know what to do about it. I fear that I should spend a lot of this weekend getting on top of some of the crap in my life rather than partying till I drop. But I wanna! Bwar!

Some relatively good things to dwell on. Caffeine free diet coke isn't so bad, and I've been succeeding in cutting out caffeine after lunch and sleeping OK all week. I'm also getting my hair dyed on Sunday, so that'll take care of the feelings of unattractiveness for a bit (so I'm shallow, I don't like being able to see grey hairs). OK, so I just ate a pastry in the shape of a shell stuffed full of patisserie cream from Valvonna and Crolla, but I challenge anyone to trun one down if it's actually handed to them - I guess I'd better go for a walk and scrimp on lunch...

Work now. Honest.

I'm going to keep off LJ today, as a) I have too much work to do, and b) my nerves are totally frazzled from yesterday's firefighting. In addition to the stuff here, I've had far to much to deal with on uk-bi and the BiCon and my personal in-boxes have also been... interesting. If I had the energy to deal with all that I should be using it to run BiCon, not defend it :-(

See you all later, when I feel a bit less like shit.

I'm too busy for LJ right now, and in any case the mood here is just dragging me down without helping any. I need to rethink some of my commitments, and somehow find time to recover while still expressing myself. This is tricky since I always seem to be either furious or too tired to bother with rows. Any time to have rational discussions that it might be possible to actually act on just dissolves...

My current instinct is to keep my head down and just be a put upon administrator, at work and outside. I wouldn't enjoy it, but maybe it wouldn't make me cry, either. Then as soon as I can I get out and never never come back (well that bit's kind of harder with work). At least I've managed to conclude my business with *one* of the clueless naive idiots I had to deal with this week...

I guess I haven't been saying a lot on here lately. That's partly because things get worse in my head whenever I get too introverted.

116 people on livejournal are interested in 'breaking stuff', only 5 are interested in 'getting a life'.

In other news, I am proving better at the former than the latter. Victims so far this week. One mirror, one marble egg which I flung at said mirror, and one multi-coloured jumper.

it worries me this kind of thing
how you hope to live alone
and occupy your waking hours
we're taking sides again
i just wept i couldn't understand
why you started this again

I hate my life. It is perhaps unfortunate to get so drunk on one's birthday that one wakes up with an evil hangover - especially if it's one of those hangovers that fills you with disgust at yourself and makes you look at everything in the unnaturally sober big light. It certainly isn't any fun. But right now I'm surprised to find that I'm not depressed - I'm angry. This is not what life was supposed to be and I'm going to have to change that.

I'm gonna change my colours / cancel my things / stop my squawking / grow some wings

I am not, however, going to 'burn every word and letter and card that I ever wrote'. There is such a thing as taking lyrics too seriously...