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purplerabbits at 03:11pm on 20/02/2003 under rant/opinion
purplerabbits at 03:11pm on 20/02/2003 under rant/opinionI'm not pensive, I'm just thinking...
I've been thinking about![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gothslut's thoughts about friends, and wondering how many 'friends' I have as opposed to people I'm friendly with. I don't exactly know how I define 'friend', so this is all rather loose, but I reckon I have:-
I don't know how many of my close friends would consider me a close friend in return, and in some ways itt matters less to me than I'd expect. I also have a whole bundle of female and male acquaintances in Edinburgh, and in the BiCon/Whitby/Londonpolybis crowds, which all overlap in interesting ways. But what this analysis seems to be telling me is that I don't find it easy to get close to women, and that there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with. I like shagging friends I guess, at least the once - it seems to help cement a friendship for me...
I've been thinking about
gothslut's thoughts about friends, and wondering how many 'friends' I have as opposed to people I'm friendly with. I don't exactly know how I define 'friend', so this is all rather loose, but I reckon I have:-- three partners who I count as my closest friends ever (all male).
- three friends in Edinburgh who I would go out of my way for whenever they were in distress, whatever else was happening (also all male).
- a further five or six friends in Edinburgh who I'd be happy to tell my troubles to and would listen to theirs in return, but I don't see them often enough to call them close friends (only two of whom are female).
- two friends in London who I feel close to (both of whom I've slept with. One I text a lot and one I don't, and I don't know if either would consider me a close friend, but I'd go out of my way for them. (one male, one female)
- four or five people in London who would be close friends if I lived there but I don't see often enough right now (including two or three women).
I don't know how many of my close friends would consider me a close friend in return, and in some ways itt matters less to me than I'd expect. I also have a whole bundle of female and male acquaintances in Edinburgh, and in the BiCon/Whitby/Londonpolybis crowds, which all overlap in interesting ways. But what this analysis seems to be telling me is that I don't find it easy to get close to women, and that there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with. I like shagging friends I guess, at least the once - it seems to help cement a friendship for me...
pensive
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It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. This is one of those things that I think ends up getting me a lot of shit from some people, but I don't really think there's something wrong with it.
Makes sense to me...
Well yeah... if you like someone enough to class them as a friend, why wouldn't you want to sleep with them? (presuming the physical attraction is there)
Friendship is much more important than sex, in my opinion... I've had sex with random strangers in the past, but I wouldn't want to call a random stranger my friend.
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</pedant>
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I was thinking about this recently, also.
There exist many people who I am certain I would consider very good friends - if only I actually saw them more often. People with whom I know I get on well with, or who challenge me by being interestingly different to myself.
You would be a good example of this, I consider you a friend, although I know we're not very friendly very often. This is a bad thing.
I sometimes think I should make more of an effort to see people who I don't meet very often, and then I think I shouldn't have to, if we're friends despite not meeting very often maybe that's just the way it works out. Maybe meeting more would spoil things.
I'm still undecided, although I can recognise it's my lazy side is coming to the fore and suggesting the 'continue not seeing very often' idea.
I can certainly think of a few very good, and close, friends with whom spending a lot of time is a real effort. It reminds me of a time a few years ago when I shared a flat with a particular 'character'. He's lovely. He's kind, thoughtful, bright, interesting, and fun to spend time with - but at the same time I'd never ever want to live with him again.
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i do, however, have lots of acquaintances/less close friends, for the first time in my life. this is somewhat scary, as i am 'horrible friendless girl'. erm.
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2 here in Edinburgh, fairly recent friends.
1 in Glasgow, a friend from Uni.
2 from school, one in Leicester, one in South Africa.
Two out of those I've had sexual feelings for too. I do find, however, that my relationships do tend to start off as friendships, then become sexual. What I haven't seen happen as yet is a relationship to stay in my "true friend" bracket after it has ended. I think I need to keep my distance a little more than that sort of friendship allows. Friendly, yes, more than acquaintances, certainly, if they want that. But the distance is still there.
I've also got a circle of friends who I do value and appreciate, and show parts of myself too, but for some reason have never stepped into the true friend category. I think in parts that's due to whether they've been there for me in a bad situation. Once a friend has proven themselves in that way, I tend to be intensely loyal, but if a friend lets me down, I tend to back off.
I don't know if you read Sally (winterthing's) LJ? She wrote an interesting piece on circles of friends a few months back. I don't know if it's filtered or not. Poke me sometime and I'll try to find it for you if it's public.
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I'm a bit like that, too. I have been close with people I didn't want to sleep with, but the closeness hasn't lasted.
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