purplerabbits

I have discovered that one of the problems in trying to think rationally about my aims is that my 'aims' don't in any way match what I WANT.

What I WANT is not to have to worry about money, not to be scared that I am incapable of doing things and not to have to be constantly forcing myself to do stuff that is hard, painful and too often ultimately futile.

What I want is not to have to have a day job because I equate a day job with being hassled and undermines and having to get up too early and generally being shit.

But the world is, apparently, not fair - as people seem to never tire of telling each other. So what I need to aim for has to be more modest. And my trouble is in knowing HOW MUCH more modest.

So far my aim, if I can confine them to positive statements, need to be something like:

• Have a flat I can keep for the foreseeable future, which at the moment means paying the mortgage
• In ten or whatever years time be able to move to a flat nearer the ground, the most obvious need being for accessibility as I get older, but it would certainly have many other advantages (bikes, bird tables or kitties) - this aim might be met by inheriting from my mother, but I certainly don't want to count on that, and not just cos it feels icky
• Have enough money coming in[1] to also afford food, power, council tax, data (I file TV, internet and phone fees under data, and they're a lot more than power atm) and some spending money
• Do something I can be proud of in life

Now in my idealism I keep thinking that that last one needn't be connected to the others. And in my pessimism I think it CAN'T be connected to the others, cos werk is inevitably shit.  I need to work this out, as well as whether there's such a thing as ultimate disaster - but this seems to be taking me back to more wooly thinking, when what I want is useful actions I can actually take now-ish.

Hmm. 

[1] It would also work to have a Big Pile of Money TM - but that seems less likely in the grand scheme of things