Why don't you be my one and only friend? Why don't you be my sidekick?

[purplerabbits]

I'm not pensive, I'm just thinking...

I've been thinking about gothslut's thoughts about friends, and wondering how many 'friends' I have as opposed to people I'm friendly with. I don't exactly know how I define 'friend', so this is all rather loose, but I reckon I have:-

• three partners who I count as my closest friends ever (all male).
  
• three friends in Edinburgh who I would go out of my way for whenever they were in distress, whatever else was happening (also all male).
  
• a further five or six friends in Edinburgh who I'd be happy to tell my troubles to and would listen to theirs in return, but I don't see them often enough to call them close friends (only two of whom are female).
  
• two friends in London who I feel close to (both of whom I've slept with. One I text a lot and one I don't, and I don't know if either would consider me a close friend, but I'd go out of my way for them. (one male, one female)
  
• four or five people in London who would be close friends if I lived there but I don't see often enough right now (including two or three women).
  

I don't know how many of my close friends would consider me a close friend in return, and in some ways itt matters less to me than I'd expect. I also have a whole bundle of female and male acquaintances in Edinburgh, and in the BiCon/Whitby/Londonpolybis crowds, which all overlap in interesting ways. But what this analysis seems to be telling me is that I don't find it easy to get close to women, and that there isn't a single person who I consider a very close friend who I haven't either slept with or want to sleep with. I like shagging friends I guess, at least the once - it seems to help cement a friendship for me...

Comments

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I think I have 5 friends I'd drop everything for now.

2 here in Edinburgh, fairly recent friends.

1 in Glasgow, a friend from Uni.

2 from school, one in Leicester, one in South Africa.

Two out of those I've had sexual feelings for too. I do find, however, that my relationships do tend to start off as friendships, then become sexual. What I haven't seen happen as yet is a relationship to stay in my "true friend" bracket after it has ended. I think I need to keep my distance a little more than that sort of friendship allows. Friendly, yes, more than acquaintances, certainly, if they want that. But the distance is still there.

I've also got a circle of friends who I do value and appreciate, and show parts of myself too, but for some reason have never stepped into the true friend category. I think in parts that's due to whether they've been there for me in a bad situation. Once a friend has proven themselves in that way, I tend to be intensely loyal, but if a friend lets me down, I tend to back off.

I don't know if you read Sally (winterthing's) LJ? She wrote an interesting piece on circles of friends a few months back. I don't know if it's filtered or not. Poke me sometime and I'll try to find it for you if it's public.