purplerabbits

Because I am weird like that I have just calculated that I have enough food in the house to last a month. Some of the meals would be deeply odd, and I would run out of milk in a couple of weeks at most (but I have plenty of dried hot chocolate so I could make bearable mocha), but I have:

Enough fresh, tinned, dried and frozen veg to have five sort-of fruit and veg a day if I use a lot of pulses and squint a bit

Enough non pulse related protein to have both a small portion of cheese and one of meat, fish or TVP a day

Enough pasta and rice and oats and polenta and spuds and flour to keep me in starches

And enough spices and sauces to make it all palatable.

Also a bottle of gin, 3 beers and half a bottle of chocolate wine :-)

It may be a bit obsessive, but I am actually quite pleased about that.

Oh and I wouldn't run out of soap, toilet paper or meds either

I am *almost* tempted to try it and see if I'm right...

Today's Fist of Death is brought to you by:

All the Fat Hatred in the WORLD which I have to see every time I turn on TV to watch Mad Criminals or anything. Seriously, when trying to find one programme I actually wanted to watch I had to page past NINE body horror OMGWTF people are FAT fests.

Bossboss continually commenting on the fact that I drink Diet Coke. Seriously. How is this even worthy of comment? She seems to think that it's naughtly of me or I should be trying to give it up or something. Also that it contains sugar, which is just WTF?

A deep deep desire to kick some special snowflakes in the head

Spam which also contains body fascism

As does all of Groupon and Living Social cos apparently it's the time of year for it.

My pension statement which basically says I will be starving on the breadline when I'm 65, and that's IF I manage to stay employed till then.

Boss going off sick for two weeks minimum
Which means bossboss being in charge
Which means I have a Forward PLan Meeting with bossboss today and ARGH

http://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=758

I had some very tough moments over the weekend, but I did also achieve some things since my last update, so am going to try to focus on that...

Things I'm pround of since last update:

• Worked through the majority of http://www.codecademy.com and learnt Actual Stuff! Including getting confused and then unconfused cos I was thinking ahead of the lessons
• Made an awesome new recipe - Green Daal, which I describe below in case you care
• Went out of the house, tried to walk along the river but was thwarted by fallen trees, so went to the beach at Silverknowes and saw turnstones and oystercatchers and ringed plovers and dunlins
• Spent very little money, but bought useful things like cheap milk, eggs cheese etc. (also all the Marmite ricecrisps, cos they were half price)
• Didn't drink alcohol
• Ate approximately enough fruit and veg
• Had a bath
• Washed some bras
• Did kntting
• Tidied a few things

Other good things from the weekend:

• Sherlock (I prefer the 2nd, and it doesn't pass Bechdel, but...)
• 2 excellent phone chats, with Paul and my mum
• Jon being helpful with coding and also leaving me alone when I asked
• Jon being comforting during panic attacks

Green Daal, (which is what I decided to call it)
A splash of oil
1 large diced onion
3 huge cloves of garlic, diced
your chosed mix of mildish curry spices (I used 3 tbs Garam Masala and a smoodge of chilli powder, plus the washed out end of a jar of Pataks korma paste and some shreds of lazy ginger)
2 big diced mushrooms (or more if you have more)
cup of green lentils
veggie stock
3 blocks frozen leaf spinach (it comes in blocks, but I think is nicer than the chopped stuff)
handful of frozen peas

Fry the onion and garlic in the spices till soft, add mushrooms
add lentils, shake about and then add enough stock to cover and then some (green lentils seem to grow more than red ones)
when lentils are cooked, chuck in spinach and peas and stir till cooked (not long). Add more spinach if not sufficiently green (I might have added fresh coriander if I had it, too).

Things achieved yesterday include: (please, if any of these things disgust you cos of the implied alternatives or the pevious/current state of my life, feel free not to say so. I know.)

Got out of bed
Due to lateness did NOT turn on computer but sat by heater till I felt human
Changed into a clean shirt
Went to work, did some vaguely work like things, stayed till I'd almost made up my hours, went home
Decided to not book for Stats class by actually deciding instead of just letting time pass
Spent no money
Ate porridge with fruits, and carrot soup made by me and pork chop and sprouts and parsnip and carrot mash and toast. Which makes my 5 a day, all off of plates [1]
Did not drink
Worked my way through 1st part of Bayes essay and made it make sense and got simple sums right
Washed up a noticable amount of stuff
Put some stuff in bins/recycling bag
Knitted a bit, some TV, some FB games, book and bed.

[1] One of my sort-of resolutions this year is to 'eat normal food, in the shape of meals, like a normal person. This is not about losing weight or even healthy eating, but a start on borth, should I chose to go that way. Definitions are fluid, and I'd be up for discussing them when I feel a bit less crap, but for now I know that it doesn't DOESN'T include frying both pork chops and eating them in one night out of the frying pan. Which I didn't. So there.

I achieved some things yesterday, inspite of scary scary winds and a completely b0rked sleep pattern:

Went to werk and stayed at werk and did some things so I would have something to say if people asked what I'd been doing at werk

Ate five portions of fruit/veg (assisted by smoothie, but still)

Didn't drink (it's still at the ohghod never again stage, so not too hard)

Phoned boyfriend and apologised for the state of the me last time I did drink

Spent a small and sensible amount of money on reduced price milk, bread and pork chops

Ate a meal for both lunch and tea (previously cooked veggie stew with dumplings for lunch, pork chop with veg and rice for tea) plus an apple for breakfast.

Found all the bits of paper, chequebook, stamp etc and wrote and posted a very important cheque which is now DONE

Knitted a bit while watching Prince Caspian (which is, um, problematic)

And took my meds and went to bed.

How many gold stars do I get?

So, January. So far it has consisted of being revoltingly drunk, sick, hungover and then generally depressed and revolted with myself - kind of an inevitable progression really. I am now mostly physically OK, with a side order of totally fucked sleep patterns and a background stomach ache. Also am at work (well, technically) which is not great, but may be better than staying in and having major panic attacks cos I can hear my flat blowing down.

Also, due to beoing too depressed to do any shopping round, I have just had all the money for my vastly inflated house insurance taken from my account, which means I have £103 after bills to live on through January. This is doable, but doesn't leave much room for nice teas with knitters or travelling or for anything else to go wrong at all never mind for paying someone to help with my shit hole of a flat. This is AFTER said bill has eaten my Xmas cheque from mum, so getting something nice for myself is right out.

Ah well, onward and, er, onward. And less of the moping, hopefully.

Well that's over.

I think I find Xmas[1] hard because for me it's the top of the 'days when I ought to be someone else' list. Valentine's day used to be like that, but now I am old enough to ignore it, and in any case it's not nearly as pervasive. My birthday can be tough a lot of the time, because it has the same 'got to be happy' stuff, but it is at least personalised. On the other hand they don't put any decent TV specially for my birthday, so it's probably swings and roundabouts.

I seem to have settled for doing a minimalist nod towards Xmas, which may be Ok (or it may be the worst of both worlds, like smoking just enough to keep getting cravings, I can't decide). Jon got me Generation A, which I read most of last night. My mum gave me a cheque and another cheque, which was good, and a random selection of mostly unpleasant handcrafted items, which was odd. Jenny got me gorgeous yarn which arrived in time, which I am pretty chuffed by. I didn't put up my tree, but had a tiny plastic tree shaped object made of glitter from someone at work, so I plonked it on top of the gifts. I gave 3 gifts and got 3, which is at least even (well I also gave some people DVDs I was clearing out and which they might actually like, which is different), plus there was Secret Santa at werk, which is a whole other flavour of wrong.

Things I like about Xmas are: Doctor Who (okay it was a bit pants, but it was a thing to look forward to) and the big Araucaria Crossword. Most of the rest of it ranges from a bit meh to actively horrible. I cooked roast spuds and brussel sprouts (which I like) and stuffing balls and bread sauce, which was all the bits of the traditional meal I actually wanted. I have the top half of a duck still in the freezer, which I will eat at some other time when I actually want it. I had a miniature xmas pud, which I shouldn't have, cos I was already too full of food and now I have half a tub of cream I don't know what to do with.

[1] I have been resolutely calling it Xmas since attending a Baptist sermon about how you shouldn't - I use it to distinguish the ubiquitous secular feast from the minority interest Christian one.

I have been very low lately so here is my attempt to think of reasons to be cheerful - feel free to add your own...

1. I only have 8 days to be in work until Xmas, and then I get a fortnight and a day off
2. I saw humans this weekend! And ate cheese! And have much cheese left
3. Partly thanks to the pot luck I also have enough lunches in the freezer to see my through to the end of term
4. I have to work our members' reception tonight, BUT, on the plus side, that will bring my hours back in line so I don't owe any, in fact I will have an hour and a half in hand, whichis probably going to be needed these dark mornings...

Er, anyway, I was being cheerful. Hmm. I'll get back to you on that.

14 days of feeding myself for £1 a day and what have I got left?

280g pasta (four portions, ish)
100g rice (two small portions)
one frozen pea soup
1 portion of chilli in the fridge
100g TVP mince (damn but that stuff goes a long way)
about a tablespoonful of curry powder
2 tablespoonfuls of mixed herbs
100g red lentils
2 stock cubes

NO vegetables or fruit of any kind, No coffee, No dairy produce, No oil

If I absolutely HAD to keep going I could spin that lot out to last 2-3 days, but it wouldn't be healthy.

I will write up some more wordy notes later, but first I am going out to buy milk, vegetables and CHOCLIT

So yesterday's tea was a bit of a mixture, but now the bacon and the cabbage are all gone, and I only have a tiny bit of butternut squash left.

Today was porridge, daal soup and a chunk of homemade bread, and tonight will be curry and bread, leaving me with chill for Wednesday and Thursday basically. I have enough milk to make coffee tomorrow morning, but after that it's gone. Mind you the coffee is nearly gone too, so that's OK, kind of.

Also I am now officially bored of red lentils, just so you know.