purplerabbits: me at the computer, taken at work (Default)
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posted by [personal profile] purplerabbits at 07:07pm on 27/08/2017
I have a number of problems at the moment, and one kind of overarching one is that I have the attention span and/or willpower of a tiny insect. I mean it took me eight goes to get into Dreamwidth and actually start posting this because oh look, a squirrel! This is not a nice headspace to be in and I don't like it.

So things which are making me unhappy right now:-

Thing One
I volunteered to do various things at BiCon, some of which I don't remember. One of the things is really big and is really lots of smaller things, all of which I now realise that I don't actually want to do and also probably nobody else wants me to do them particularly and nobody wants to help me with them even the people who I thought might...

So of course I should just not do it. Except I would have to say I'm not doing it, which would make me embarrassed and sad and make bisexuals in general and me in particular look like complete flakes. It does not help that I've done this before. Indeed at the moment I can only remember the times I've been a flake and not any times when I said I'd do a thing and did it.

Thing Two
The camera on my phone stopped working and refuses to focus at all on anything ever. The selfie camera works but not the main one. I should Do Something about it like contact OnePlus and see if I can get a repair under warranty but it seems too hard so it just makes me unhappy all the time instead.

Thing Three
I have a chipped tooth and should go to the dentist. I do not go to the dentist. Instead I fret.

Thing Four
I have to write a five minute speech about disabled access for Berlin. I have started but the outline is a mess and I keep thinking of new ways to do it but it doesn't really count as thinking cos I don't make notes or even finish forming my thoughts. I know I could probably waffle on about it for five minutes and it wouldn't be a disaster, but I want to have some notes and slides and then some extra online notes with more detail maybe. I can't make myself focus on the documents for more than a couple of minutes at a time. It's driving me nuts.

Thing Five
I have a similar focussing problem with my knitting. Drove myself to tears trying to set up the cardigan for mum's Xmas, and have not finished my own cardigan which is 'nearly done' but needs the underarms grafting and buttons putting on which is not hard I just don't do it.

Thing Six
I have to pack for Berlin. I hate packing loads but I think I can do this one actually. I have a list and I have sort of started so I have the passport and boarding cards and my EHIC and Euros and power adapters and hotel reservation ready. The rest is basically clothes, meds and washkit so I'm sort of OK except I'm still giving myself a hard time and idk why.

Thing Seven
I have to get on a 9:45 flight. That means getting to the airport at 7:45. 7:45! What was I even thinking! Even booking a taxi that's leaving at 7.15 which makes getting up at 6:30am. THis is not even a time of day that exists.

Thing Eight
I didn't book myself into any craft classes at all for autumn and it is too late. I am still able to go to the pottery though, which is up and running again now but I haven't been back yet and won't have time till after next weekend probably.

There are other things but they're on a list of stuff to worry about later like the trial I have to be a witness at which happens later in September, and the fact that I have to find a new volunteer job cos the good people will be leaving my current one in the autumn. Also I have a birthday and a Christmas coming up  and will be unhappy if I don't organise a thing to do for them

There are 4 comments on this entry. (Reply.)
thekumquat: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thekumquat at 08:56am on 28/08/2017
Happy to comment on a disabled access speech, though I'm sure you're right that you certainly could just talk for five minutes and it would be just fine - you've got the knowledge and general articulateness for it.

Don't worry about BiCon promises - a plan for what would be needed to set up the sort of forum proposed would be good, but then that could be delivered by others. Not doing it just makes you the same as everyone else! :-)
elettaria: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] elettaria at 10:03am on 28/08/2017
Yep, what they said. You are not being a flake! It sounds like you have a hell of a lot on, and you do have genuine medical reasons for not being able to do this. The thing about being long-term ill/disabled is that there is less you can do, and people who are worth their salt appreciate the things you manage to do and are not upset when you don't manage things. Lots of us can't predict in advance whether we will be up to something or not. Just cancel the BiCon stuff, hon, it'll be better than way from all you're saying. Hopefully the brainweasels and general stress will start to improve once you have less things jumping up and down on you.
judiff: bunny tcon that ruis made (Default)
posted by [personal profile] judiff at 11:31pm on 28/08/2017
Wishing you lots of soothing (and like stompy like where you need them to be) Bunnys
andrewducker: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] andrewducker at 03:21pm on 02/09/2017
That's a lot of stuff to be processing at once. Hopefully writing it down makes it a bit easier to work through it.